Just Jackie

Crazy Times! Down to the wire!

Well this is an extremely BUSY time of my life but I HAVE to HAVE to take the time to write a post. Wow, I can't believe it's finally here...the week of the move. Things are hitting home a little here. It's a very difficult but very exciting time in my life. Part of me feels so anxious to move and so happy. I can't wait to finally start a real home with Craig and Link. I'm thrilled to cook for my family and have them home at a reasonable hour to eat with me. I'm so excited to have this move behind me so I have time for scrapbooking and playing with Link and leisurely walks with my never been used stroller and nice long baths. (I know I'm dreaming) But it's worth being optimistic about it I guess!!! I honestly can't wait for the slow down and to have Craig around. It's going to be a delightful time in my life for sure. At this point, to be honest...the main thing I look forward to is beauty rest. I literally have dark circles under my eyes right now. I just don't have as much time to sleep as I did when Link was first born. It's up and at em everyday going going all day. I love that my main focus on here is always going and going and going ON and ON about how much stuff I have to do. HA HA!!! Not my intent... just trying to document the stress in my life right now so that when my daughter marries a military man, I can pull out this journal entry and say here honey, look...I made it through and so will you. :) But my eyes just feel so tired. Today as I was driving home from Hill AFB, I felt as though I was literally going to nodd off into a deep sleep any second. I felt so silly about the idea of pulling over for a nap when I wasn't on a long road trip and it was broad day. It just seemed so random and the fact that I was a half hour or twenty minutes from home. But then I couldn't get it out of my head that I was so tired and I was putting my sweet childs life in danger by continuing to drive. Well, I'm stubborn and the sillyness thought won. BUT I did end up calling my sister and people I knew to chat me safely home. Man the fight of staying awake is a battle. I hate that feeling. Longest drive of my life!...so the part of me that doesn't want to move aches deep in my heart to leave my Mom and Dad. They have been the best friends of my life. We are so close and our relationship is so strong that it will be very hard to not have them around constantly. I truly love them with all my heart and guarantee that I have the best parents in the world. They can't be replaced by anyone I might meet along the way of this adventure. That's a hard thing for me right now. Not only is it sad for me but it's sad for them and that makes my heart ache even more because I don't want them to be hurt. I LOVE YOU guys!! I will miss you more than you'll ever know. Oh man! I will miss MANY MANY other people as well. It's going to be very very difficult not to see your faces for long periods of time but PLEASE don't forget me and keep in touch. It's very important to me so I will do what I can but you have to too!!!

On a more positive note...Linkin has turned into the BEST baby ever. He is just such a little friend. I just love him to death. For a while there, things were a little sketchy with him and I both being sick still. Whew!!! We got through. I'm still overcoming my cough and have no voice but otherwise all is looking up! Linkin is much much better and is now a totally different person. Holy smiley whiley! He is so happy and fun and cute! I just love him. He loves to talk talk talk. He loves his feet. He loves to play with his toys, he is just so happy go lucky. I am so lucky to have such a little sweetheart! He makes my life so worthwhile right now!!! GO LINKIN!! : )  ...........................(?)...................................

well...Things are getting close to being ready to go. I mean, I'm not...but "things" are. I have packed packed packed my life away and it's stacking up quite nicely. I have been a mad saleswoman on ksl.com. I've sold a jewelry cabinet, a DVD case, an end table, a coffee table, an entertainment center, a computer desk, a storage cabinet and now I'm trying to sell some things for my parents. I've had much success. It's been fun and nice to make a little extra cash and extra ROOM in our rental truck. It's all stuff that I just needed to get rid of. Gives me an excuse to go SHOPPING once we get settled in ALAMOGORDO, NM!!! Not sure how ideal the shopping is there but we'll figure something out I'm sure! Well I hope ya'll have a wonderful rest of the week and you probably won't hear from me until I'm in my new town! I'll let you know how it is and how it goes.   

"Who's running the show here?"

Ya know I've heard it so many times but tonight it really hit me --- the reality of the phrase. My baby who can't walk, can't talk, and is completely dependant on me for his life really is COMPLETELY RUNNING THE SHOW. I've never been so anxious, nervous, uptight, happy, touched, exhausted, thrilled, and in awe because of any one person in my entire life. I literally feel like I'm walking on the edge of a cliff sometimes and any minute I'm going to fall off the edge. (Laughing). I found myself in my glider chair the other night feeding him a bottle, and with every three gulps came a huge whiny cry like he was miserable as ever. I felt SOO anxious and uptight. I was closing my eyes, and squinching my eyebrows each time he would take the drinks hoping that he would NOT make those whiny sounds again. Because that meant...he wasn't going to eat, he was going to cry and cry, I'd have to figure out what was wrong, without his food he won't sleep good and I got to thinking, you know "he really owns me right now". He really does. Isn't that interesting. Hu. So then it became even more clear as my nightly routine of putting him to bed, as soon as he's sleeping soundly and all is well I climb in bed and being the _hard to get comfortable_ person that I am -- spend ten minutes trying to get all comfortable with the blankets and my FIVE pillows just right (it's like I'm still pregnant)...only to bust right out of my comfort because the "show runner" lost his binky. It's amazing how many times a night this goes on. Honestly, there's really nothing anymore I am in control of around here. HA HA! I'm becoming so humble to the fact that I'm not in control of anything. I used to be a controller. I wanted everything my way. My way or the highway. You've all heard it said a million times but CHILDREN MAKE YOU HAVE TO BE UNSELFISH!! Which means that children are truly a blessing. When I finally get my chance to climb in bed without climbing back out, I thank my heavenly father for the chance I have to jump out of the covers a million times for this beautiful little blessing in my life. And I feel happy in the end!

Anniversary!

Well yesterday was the two year reunion of the best day of my life!! My wedding anniversary! I'm happy to say that it's been two years and I'm still as in love as I was then and much much more! Craig and I have been through a lot together already...mostly a lot of good.. but trials  nonetheless, and our relationship is ever so strong! I'm so thankful for him and our special little family. TOO BAD HE'S not here to celebrate with me...BUT I did receive a special delivery one Saturday!!! Yep, you guessed it...my favorite thing... FLOWERS! They are...as always... BEAUTIFUL! I don't know how he does it, but he always picks out the most wonderful and amazing flowers. Everytime is something new and different and unique! He has such a great imagination! Oh and he DOES choose them himself. These ones were supposed to be all purple because he wanted them to be purple since those were our wedding colors, but they are still gorgeous! I just love them and him very much. In fact, I should post the pics of all the flowers he's given me. Everyone likes to see a pretty set of flowers so I might just do that. If you are ever feeling blue, HEY...you can check out my site and see the flowers to cheer you up. Craig used to have this tradition while in school where he would send me flowers at the end of every semester (him going to school..not me) to say thanks for all my support and understanding during a busy school schedule and also working full time. What Craig doesn't realize is that I should have been sending him flowers for doing all that work for me and our family and supporting us. BUT, I was patient so I accepted the flowers with a huge smile and lots of hugs!! Good week to ya!!

Funny stuff... well partially funny. Not really but I have to laugh or I'll just give up. As if my bout (?) of bad luck isn't bad enough, this week...things start over. I don't know if any of you know but I have a HORRIBLE jaw. It's so messed up that sometimes I just wanna cry for hours. It used to click and pop (TMJ) and then it started causing headaches, etc. etc. The TMJ specialist told me that it's considered arthritis because 1/3 of my bone was gone. It had chipped away over time. Well this is about two years later, and the headaches aren't so bad, but the pain in my jaw is what's constantly bothering me now. Craig and I have been really worried about it that it's going to lock on me sometime or that it'll never be normal again, and the surgery, I've heard is horrible and I dread having to take that route. So anyways...the point of all this is that a couple nights ago, I was sitting here on the computer, and I jumped up to grab something and then sat back down with my knee up in the air, and somehow-someway (I always find a way)...I knee'd myself right in the jaw!!!!!!!! OUCH!!! It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had. I felt so helpless and hopeless at that moment because I was so fearful of what I did to it. It hurt so bad. Craig really wants me to go see someone but I'm waiting it out because I know from experience that a "normal" doctor isn't going to have any advice, so I have to wait until we move so I don't have to start a treatment here and then leave. Wow, can I just say that it's really hard for me to even chew cereal. It's excruciating pain. HA HA! I just love how every blog is complaining complaining complaining. See, I'd like to leave it out and not say anything but then I think it's funny how bad my luck has been since Craig left that I feel it necessary to share the laughter. Another thing that is not laughable is that Linkin has YET ANOTHER cold AND an eye infection. Dang. The poor little guy has had everything under the sun since he's been born. This morning, his eyes were sealed shut, literally with goop. I used a hot rag to wipe them off while trying to be careful as to not keep spreading the infection all throughout some more. He was screaming (I think because he couldn't open his eyes) and so after I wiped them, he still didn't open them so I pulled them apart and it literally juiced out stuff. Talk about freaky. Looking at him just makes you want to cry. My eyes start to water and I have to look away. He looks like he's so miserable. I wish I could help him. The other and last bad news for now is that I went to jump in my car to go run some errands today and it wouldn't start. Somehow driving around with people in my car (my sisters kids), the lights always get left on. Well this time, we didn't catch it until my car wouldn't start. So being that Craig is gone I could have taken the accord but you guessed it, it wont start either. That one I guess because it's been sitting out there in the cold all this time with no one taking it for a spin so it just shut down. Ha ha! They are both 2006 cars but they just didn't want to cooperate. So I had to just laugh it off and go inside and do my indoor projects until someone came to jump my car. Twas a fun day! I'm still in good spirits! HAPPY DAY TO YOU ALL!!!